Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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