so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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