And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
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You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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