i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize