My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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