I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize