I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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