if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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