very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize