Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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