Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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