how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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