My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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