New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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