did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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