He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize