Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
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I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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