the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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