i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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