I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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