K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I bet he comes in French.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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