i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize