I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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