You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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