I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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