i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize