RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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