You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
