i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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