That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize