I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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