We won't sleep together?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize