He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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