We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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