i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize