Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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