The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How does one acquire holy water?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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