so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize