its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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