Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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