Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize