What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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