There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
this is an emotional support booty call
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize