and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The uberlube is also flammable
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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