The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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