Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Operation Purity has been aborted
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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