No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
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Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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