Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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