he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
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Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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