So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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