You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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