Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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